A burden no child should have to carry

Children who are caught in the middle of family  breakdown, often become the ‘carer’ of their aligned parent, of course not all family breakdowns are as a result of separation/divorce, there are many reasons that children find themselves in an adult world of conflict.

When relationships break down, it is the adults whose relationship becomes fractured, not the children’s relationships.

Children should never be in a position of choosing which parent or family member they will live with or continue contact with.

They are children, and we are the adults, it is the adults in children’s lives who make decisions on their behalf.

Yet within the Family Justice System, children are put in that position, where they are asked about their Wishes and Feelings, but we know that children will more-often than not say what they have been told to say.

You need to put yourself in the shoes of these children, if  you can.

A parent they are living with, displays anguish and  sadness whenever the other parent is mentioned, or other family member. No child wants to see a parent upset and they will do and say anything to try to make that parent feel better.

Often they become an adults confidente, that is not what children should have to become.

They should be free to grow unhindered from the complexities of adult emotions.

As adults we should do all we can to care, protect and nurture our children.

No parent who makes a concerted effort in alienation of a parent or other family member, is putting their children first, they are projecting their own angst onto their children.

The destruction and life long damage that ensues is inexcusable.

In a year of enforced isolation for us all, due to Covid-19, the very time when you would have hoped that forgiveness and reconciliations could have taken place, sadly has not happened.

Do the people who have caused unjustified estrangement, ever wonder if their family members are ok, whether they have survived this pandemic?

Clearly, no they don’t.

I wonder how the aligned parent will explain why they called the police because Grandma dared to send a birthday card to their  grandchild?

One thing that we all need is to  be at peace at the end of the day, are they able to be at peace?



About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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