A Society of Manners

In the 1690’s there were societies of reformation of manners, in my view we need to reform once again!

In a world that is over populated we see sign of aggression and hate all around us, human beings fighting amongst themselves, causing hurt, pain and destruction.

In Japanese culture they put good manners and respect at the top of their society, very young children are taught how to be respectful to everyone. They have a code of etiquette which governs social behaviour.

We only have to look at our politicians to see that even from the ‘top’ it is apparently, acceptable to behave discourteously and disrespectfully, all they care about is themselves.

You may wonder where on earth I am going with this, I often wonder that myself when writing!

I have just written about the world, other countries and a bit more locally, but this disrespect and unkindness is right here on our own doorsteps.

After 12 years of running BGSG, I have got to ‘know’ many others who are all supporting people, be that alienated parents or extended family, the majority of whom are focussing on the affect alienation has on the children and grandchildren, in fact all family members.

I sadly learnt very early on that if you put your head above the parapet be prepared to get your head shot at.

I watched last night one of these amazing people who do all sorts to raise awareness, more than most, I might add. This person was clearly distraught, the main reason was as they had just heard of yet another father ending his life as a result of alienation, I know how that feels. It is devastating to think that someone feels so hopeless that they feel they have nothing to live for. Some of the comments that came in during that video were, well, just dreadful. It became necessary for the supporter to start to talk about the disrespect and appalling behaviour from some people towards him, to the extent of people he has supported in the past who now turn against him.

Again I understood totally, this has also happened to me.

I don’t imagine the people who behave in this contemptuous way  care one way or the other of the hurt and pain this causes.

I recently wrote about all alienated grandparents being the experts in their field as they have experienced it, I still believe that, only to then see things being written about, beware of those who say they are experts but actually aren’t, I don’t know if that was a dig at me or not, and they are entitled to their opinion.

Then there are those who seem to think they are the only ones who can write or talk about alienation, they are the ‘ones.’

This is where the egos come in, people who want and like to be on some sort of pedestal, they crave publicity not for the children/grandchildren but for their own glory and importance.

Every single person who is affected by alienation finds themselves here because of a culture of disrespect, unkindness, selfishness, unhealthy parents, and the ‘I’m all right Jack, …. you.’

If there was ever a time in my life when we should all be here for one another, for no other reason but because we care for one another, I don’t know when it was.

So time to look to ourselves, to ask ourselves how we treat others, that we may disagree with a point of view but we never forget our manners.

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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