When we find we are to become grandparents are our expectations too high?
In fact should we really have any expectations at all?
Not the best way to start a blog, with two questions, but they are important questions.
When the birth of a grandchild is imminent we have hopes and dreams of how this new relationship will evolve, all too often those hopes and dreams are shattered.
I have heard grandparents saying that they feel it is their right to become grandparents when their adult children get married or are in a stable relationship, I am not sure I know what that means and if my interpretation is correct then personally I don’t concur with that view.
As you know I don’t like the word ‘rights’ anyway, it is about responsibility not rights.
It is not for a grandparent to tell, suggest or interfere with how adult children should raise their children, I am sure we didn’t want that from our own parents so why on earth would we expect our adult children to want it either.
The idealistic view of family relationships is not the reality, families are made up of all different shapes and sizes, there is no ‘norm.’
A new family needs time and space to be able to work out how they are going to parent their children, without outside interference, however well intentioned.
When a grandchild is about to arrive, a conversation needs to be had, with all parties, in a safe and calm atmosphere.
Ask your adult children, how they would like you to support them, be honest about how much help and support you are able to give them.
Respect them as the parents.
Communication is key, always.
I was sitting in a local cafe recently and overheard a Mum saying how her Mum was overloading her with advice, and she needed her to ‘back off’, I wondered if she had raised the issue with her Mum, rather than ranting about her with a friend.
It is all too easy for these feelings and annoyances to get out of hand, unless tackled head on with sensitivity.
Whether we like it or not, things change and parenting is not the same as it was when we were bringing our children up, it is not for us to say, that they are doing it wrong and our way is the right way.
As always my mantra for ALL grandparents is, ‘Think your own thoughts, don’t speak them.”
