It brings to mind when you are going through any tauma, how important our families are, and of course when we most feel that empty void if they are not around.
The pandemic asked such questions for many, we all thought that under such terrible circumstances that our estranged members of family would somehow give some thought into how we all were. Sadly in reality that didn’t happen. So it makes us wonder how bad do things have to get before that change in mindset.
I don’t think though that it works quite that way.
Many grandparents tell me of scenarios where they or their other half, have been taken very ill, and although their estranged family member has been informed that still there is no contact.
We can only make assumptions of why that happens, and in all honesty we may never know the truth.
I do believe in some cases that the perpetrators don’t know how to regain contact, they maybe don’t want to lose face, they may have dug themselves into such a deep hole they don’t know how to get out of it.
When this separation has gone on for many years, it is not easy to hold out an olive branch, the fear could be one of being rejected. When a long time has elapsed, as I have said many times before, the starting point is that you are now strangers to each other, a lot of water has flowed under the bridge, on both sides.
Those who think that reconciliation is easy, are under an illusion.
Take it from someone who has experienced the highs and lows of reconciliation.
When we were reunited with our granddaughter, I thought that I did everything I could to re-establish this brand new relationship, but it obviously was not enough, she in the end rejected us all.
As her Dad said to me, “I don’t know how to be her Dad?”
How do you suddenly overnight become someone’s parent when you have been apart for 11 years, it takes both parties to make compromises to be understanding, and compassionate towards each other. It is very difficult for everyone involved.
Those lost years carry so much bitterness and resentment, finding a way forward is like hacking through a bramble bush, the thorns are barbed at every twist and turn. Leaving you bloodied and scarred,fearful of making the next move.
I have discovered that all we can do is to try and be our best selves and if that isn’t good enough to others, then so be it.
Life is precious and often short, we owe it to ourselves to live our lives to the full, embrace everyday, good and bad, in the knowledge that nothing lasts forever.
I know I have to be grateful for all the good things in my life, even when it feels as though the odds are stacked against me.
People keep saying to me, ‘you are stronger than you think,’ I have no idea at all what that means, we just have to deal with ‘stuff’ and as I say try and do the best we can.
