Almost without exception estrangement is about control.
Of course the most powerful form of control is to stop contact with your grandchildren.
So, maybe we need to look at how we control ourselves and in fact take back control.
Everyone who is reading this blog, presumably, knows first hand about the feelings we encounter when we are prevented from those special relationships.
The hurt and isolation is beyond words.
There comes a time in any estrangement that we really do need to take back control.
Maybe that is today?
Estrangement can be all encompassing, it is there when we go to bed and in the morning and all too often in the middle of the night as well, it literally is with every breath we take.
Clearly this is not a healthy way for us to be living, and the only person who can turn it around is ourselves.
We can of course wrap ourselves up in a blanket of heartbreak, but if you notice, life is still actually going on all around us. People going about their daily business, whilst we waste away.
Most of us will have other family members who need us, who are desperately worried about us, who are at a loss of how to help us.
Is that fair on them?
So once we accept that we can’t change the situation we have to get that control.
I know, how do we do that?
We have to dig deep to engage that inner strength that we all have and start to put ourselves first.
Think carefully of how we react to this situation, and who is it impacting on?
Firstly it is impacting on us, it is preventing us from living our life, from finding joy in our life.
If we are allowing others to crush us so badly, they have won and they have accomplished what they were aiming for, to break us.
We are in a situation that we can not change, all the reading of ‘research’, scrolling through websites, will also not change the situation.
It is at this point where we have to reach acceptance.
Once we can acknowledge that acceptance we can look at how we can attempt to move forward.
Take small steps, make your target achievable, it could be arranging to meet up with a friend, it is true that if we listen to others we stop focussing on our own problems. Supporting or helping others is therapy in itself.
Just stepping out through our own front door can sometimes feel like a step to far, but if we do we can begin to rejoin some form of normality.
By taking back control doesn’t mean we have forgotten, but it allows us to live our lives to the best of our ability. It allows us to be the person we have always been, a person who is valued and loved. A person who has so much to offer those around us, a person who can make a positive difference.
Take a deep breath and make today, the day of change.
