That title itself fills me with fear and dread, because all too often I have seen the results of unsuccessful court applications.
Most of us have never even seen the inside of a court, so to find ourselves faced with the idea of going to court to try and obtain a Child Arrangement Order is not something we thought we would ever do.
Before people start jumping up and down, I know there are some grandparents who have gone down the legal route and are now ‘seeing’ their grandchildren, and as with all things this has to be personal decision. It may be that it is your son/daughter who is denying you contact, and that you are not concerned as to whether going to court will forever ruin any chance of you rebuilding a relationship with your adult child, that your focus is for there to be a relationship with your grandchild, regardless.
Some grandparents have an inner strength to be able to forge ahead with the court system, others are not so strong and resilient, they are the ones who suffer greatly as a direct result of the court process.
Actually of course, this is not about individuals as such but about the entire Family Law system, which in my view is not fit for purpose and hasn’t been for decades.
This is about the much bigger picture.
The court system itself is adversarial, there are often large amounts of money involved, and the system is of course run by humans, humans who are already kitted out with their own personal beliefs, prejudices etc in an atmosphere of high emotion, where the stakes are high for all the people involved, be that professionals, parents or grandparents.
The law generally is black and white, but family breakdown has many grey areas, therefore the law can’t differentiate the subtleties of the grey areas. In the high level of tension situations of court, few humans can make rational, objective decisions.
Simply because they are human.
The court is not the place in deciding what is best for children/grandchildren and their well-being, it isn’t able to look to the future, lawyers are not psychologists or have the necessary where with all to deal with vulnerable children and families. They are first and foremost carrying out their clients instructions.
There are already professionals who are outside that adversarial environment already supporting and helping children, why is there a need for court. (Other than for genuine child protection issues etc.)
The family court system can be extremely slow, which in itself is harmful to children and adults, many can’t afford the costs, which is unfair and not enabling equal access to justice. As I said at the beginning it can be a frightening place and hugely stressful, compassion may be hard to find in this setting, orders are breached and there is little if no enforcement, a Dad said to me today, “I have 5 Child Arrangement Orders, one after the other they are breached, and they aren’t worth the paper they are written on.”
Who are the courts accountable to?
The argument is that, this is the only system we have, which is true, but most people would also say, it isn’t working, or I would rather not have to go to court, so we have to start to reimagine family breakdown, all change has to start somewhere, and we have to start now for future generations.
Bring all the agencies together, who are already in place, to help and support all family members swiftly, as soon as issues of breakdown start occurring. Signpost parents and families to places of help and support, educate children in relationships and responsibility of parenthood.
Far too many children/grandchildren are being denied their human right to loving caring relationships with all family members.
Time for change.
