Do words matter?

One of the ways we are fortunate enough to communicate is in, words.

How often do we actually think before we utter those words, do we ask ourselves that the words we use may be hurtful, offensive or inflammatory?

Being of a certain age, our language has evolved in my lifetime, I suspect as it always has and will continue to do. Every year we see ‘new’ words being added to the Oxford Dictionary.

Who knew that an innocent word like hothouse, that you would think was referring to a greenhouse, somewhere to bring on plants, now describes:

~A place or situation that encourages the rapid development of ideas, emotions and knowledge. University campuses, schools, and social organisations make the perfect hothouse for fresh new ideas!~

~Spill the Tea,~ is not an annoying accident, it means your young people want to hear all the ‘gossip.’

Who knew!

A word I hate, that is used constantly in the world of estrangement/alienation is TOXIC.

Suddenly we apparently have become toxic grandparents, toxic parents.

A bit like deadly knight-shade. So we have become poisonous. I suppose those who decide to cut us out of their lives, believe we are.

Narcissistic is another one.

It seems we have to have labels for every behaviour pattern.

I don’t think it was a word I had ever heard pre estrangement.

Research proves me wrong: Narcissism, pathological self-absorption, first identified as a mental disorder by the British essayist and physician Havelock Ellis in 1898.

My goodness.

The other one that as time goes by I am having an issue with is the word that I use almost everyday, and I suspect will surprise everyone, and many wont understand why.


Again it isn’t a modern word at all:

~Alienation is a theoretical concept developed by Karl Marx that describes the isolating, dehumanizing, and disenchanting effects of working within a capitalist system of production. Per Marx, its cause is the economic system itself.

Social alienation is a more broad concept used by sociologists to describe the experience of individuals or groups that feel disconnected from the values, norms, practices, and social relations of their community or society for a variety of social structural reasons, including and in addition to the economy. Those experiencing social alienation do not share the common, mainstream values of society, are not well integrated into society, its groups and institutions, and are socially isolated from the mainstream.~

Why does it trouble me?

All too often people want to know why we can’t make progress with the powers that be, with government, with media etc to get changes to get reform of our Family Justice System. To get the headlines, the call is always the same,

Why won’t anyone listen and put it right?

Could it be that we have been coming from the wrong angle altogether?

You will know that I have often written about the emotional abuse that estrangement causes, that it is a child protection issue, and I honestly believe that is correct. We have seen it over and over again in adult children/grandchildren the life long damage it causes, but we also know sadly, that the world of  estrangement/alienation is a vile and vicious place, and it brings out the worst in many people.

That is for all to see if you go on any social media platform, the discussions as soon as alienation is mentioned are unbelievable.

I now think that we must, focus on the effect of separation from a parent or extended family member,  on the children.

It is the well-being and well fare of children that is the important thing.

Until we can. remove the problem away from the vile and vicious world of alienation, we will find it virtually impossible to make a better world for these children.

A world where they don’t have to choose between their parents, a world where they can have that loving and caring relationship with all their extended family members. A world where they can embrace their identity and their family history.

We have a responsibility to these young people.

It is not about anyones rights (another word I have a problem with), to enable a right you first need to take responsibility.


About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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