Sometimes when we are in our darkest hour we can have our own Epiphany a moment of sudden and great revelation and realization.
I did that this week, I was on my way to meet my youngest son for breakfast,we both arrived early and as I walked down to Bristol Harbour, it was a beautiful morning and the water was like a mirror, my son was sitting on a bench just thinking his own thoughts, I suddenly thought, my goodness I am that young man’s Mum.
I don’t think I had ever had that thought before.
I don’t consider myself successful or accomplished in anything but I can take credit for being a Mum, I hope I have succeeded in being a good Mum, well, a good enough Mum, because that’s OK.
We get so wrapped up in all sorts of stress and worry, that we miss the most important things of all.
For human beings to produce other human beings is just so extraordinary and magical.
Yes, of course our children drive us mad more often than not, as parents we spend far too much time wishing them on to the next stage when they are little, and then there they are all of a sudden, grown up and parents themselves.
How did that happen?
Marc and I have two sons, and we are so proud of them both, they have grown into the most caring and loving men,they are good husbands and great Dads.
In that moment as I approached my youngest and he stood and said ‘Hi Mum,’ my heart swelled and I realised what a powerful thing it is to be a parent, and a privilege. I am so grateful that I have such a strong bond with both my boys, and I am acutely aware, this is not the same for everyone.
I know that after such a long time of speaking to estranged grandparents, the hurt that is caused when it is your own adult child that turns against you, is immeasurable, grandparents hearts are literally broken.
Often grandparents will say that although they miss their grandchildren terribly, it is the relationship breakdown with their own child that is so devastating. The child that they have loved and nurtured no longer wants anything to do with them is too much to bare.
There can be feelings of shame, bewilderment,guilt a feeling of being judged by others is also a common feeling. The ‘you must have done something,’ comment eats away at you.
All too often if you don’t actually know what you have done wrong it is easy to blame yourself, to believe you have failed in some way.
Remember that we aren’t responsible for someone else’s behaviour, we are only responsible for our own.
Sometimes those who make the decision to cut family members out of their lives is because they have an inability to communicate, may be it is easier to cut all ties rather than to have a difficult conversation.
Never take part in the blame game, that is not helpful to anyone and not the pathway to reconciliation.
