As a grandparent who is estranged, I often describe the feeling as grief without goodbye.
It’s a strange kind of loss, one that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t lived it.
My grandchild is out there, having grown into a young adult, many years lost.
There was never a moment to say goodbye.
That’s what makes it so painful.
With bereavement, there is an ending. People understand your loss, they comfort you, they bring flowers and stand alongside you.
Estrangement is different.
The people you love are still here, but they’re out of reach, and you’re left with questions, guilt, and a silence that can feel unbearable.
It’s grief, but hidden – with no rituals, no closure, and often no understanding from the outside world.
I’ve learned that it’s important to acknowledge this grief, even if others don’t fully understand it. It deserves the same compassion and gentleness as any other loss.
Some days are harder than others – Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthdays – days that are meant to be joyful but carry an extra weight when someone is missing.
Finding people who truly understand helps. Bristol Grandparents Support Group provide a safe and understanding place to share your story.
So you carry on, holding the memories close, while also trying to make new ones in other parts of your life.
I’ve learned that it’s possible to live with grief and still find moments of joy. It’s not easy, and it never really goes away, but slowly, gently, we can find a place of peace and acceptance.
Because even in this grief without goodbye, there is still love. And love never truly disappears.
