Christmas can be a magical time, unless you are an estranged grandparent. Then it can feel lonely, confusing, and sad ,you just want it to be over.
We all need to find our way through.
Let yourself feel what you feel.
Christmas has a way of triggering old wounds. If you’re sad, angry, numb, or all three at once, that’s normal. Allow yourself to feel those feelings.
Make Christmas work for you.
You don’t have to pretend or force a big sparkly celebration if it doesn’t feel right. Equally, you don’t need to hide under a blanket for 48 hours unless that’s what genuinely brings you peace.
Choose what feels kind to your body and mind:
- A quiet day at home
- A planned day out to avoid the silence
- A new little tradition just for you
Be careful with cards and gifts.
If contact is complicated or unwelcome, hold off on sending anything to the grandchildren.If you decide to send a card, keep it simple. Do what you feel is the right thing to do, but be aware there could be consequences.
Avoid things that triggers you.
Social media, Christmas films, and all those perfect family ads can feel as though everyone else is having a wonderful time. (Not reality)
You’re allowed to:
- Log off for a while
- Avoid certain songs or films
- Think of an answer to those awkward questions,” Are you spending time with your grandchildren?”
Spend time with trusted people.
Even one good friend can make Christmas feel less difficult.
You could:
- Join a friend for dinner
- Go to a community event
- Volunteer somewhere warm and friendly
Being around people softens the day.
Keep a quiet connection with your grandchildren.
Lots of estranged grandparents find comfort in private traditions, like:
- Buying a little ornament each year
- Writing a short Christmas note to keep in a box
- Saving small memories to pass on one day
It keeps the love alive without stepping over boundaries.
Look after yourself.
It sounds basic, but it really helps:
- Fresh air
- A favourite meal
- A hot drink
- A warm bath
- Limiting alcohol if it makes you feel worse
Tiny acts of self-care add up, especially now.
Don’t assume things will never change.
A lot can change with time, people grow, circumstances change, children get older, tempers cool. Christmas might make everything feel stuck and hopeless, but this isn’t the final chapter of your story.
If you’re reading this, you’ve already done a brave thing.
You’re trying to cope, trying to stay steady, trying to get through a time that can feel cruel when you are hurting.
You deserve gentleness, from others, yes, but especially from yourself. Be kind to yourself.
Remember Christmas is just a moment in time, time moves on.
