Once again Family Court has hit the headlines, once again saying what we have been saying for a long time, now it is time for not just words but action.
Sir Andrew McFarlane, who is head of family courts in England and Wales admits that court is not the place when families are in distress.
The very nature of court in Family Law is a place of conflict, the language used is confrontational, a combative place.
The definition of combative is eager to fight and argue, not a great starting point.
It is a hostile place to be. Cases are listed as A.Other v A.Someone, which in itself feels like a fight.
Couples will say they are fighting for access to their children, that they are in a battle. We have respondent, applicant, opponent and high level disputes.
The sentence that flew off the page in the article for me was when Sir Andrew says, that if parents think their children are unaffected by going through the court process, they are fooling themselves.
Most adults find going to court daunting, how on earth do children/grandchildren feel when all of this distress is going on around them.
For children it is simple, they just love everyone, they haven’t fallen out with anyone, it is the adults in their life that are ‘fighting,’ children are often given the impossible decision to choose.
It is a time of confusion and anxiety.
How is that by any stretch of the imagination, putting children first?
Ok, so it is quite easy to be critical of a process and say it shouldn’t be happening, but if there is a problem we have to work on solutions.
So what would those solutions look like.
We already in the UK, have wonderful agencies and organisations doing great things, giving help and support, what we need is for all of those brilliant people coming together, agreeing in a long term vision of putting children at the forefront of every thing we do.
Making sure that those in authority the policy makers have this same vision.
This vision is for best practice working seamlessly all with the same goal, to give all children the very best outcome, a cultural and society change to end this, not legal issue but public health issue.
Agencies already come together over other issues, so why not with separating couples and family breakdown?
Think of a world were you don’t go to a lawyer to start the usual system, but there are community hubs across the country and globally, who are standing ready to help and support separating families. A safe place were you can find counsellors, experts in relationships, expert divorce professionals, there to make this difficult journey as smooth as possible.
Is that really a step too far?
I don’t think so, the emotional harm that is affecting generation after generation of children, needs radical change.
Family breakdown in all its forms is a traumatic situation, a time of huge change for everyone involved, new chapters in the lives of so many.
Turning those pages needs to be done away from the court process, help and support to all families is vital, not an environment of hostility but a process of support and compassion.
Adults have a responsibility to children, not a right, a responsibility to ensure that any decision made is really in the best interest of the child.
