In the last 16 years, I have spoken to thousands of estranged grandparents, people who feel they can’t go on without their grandchildren in their lives, supporting them through those really dark times, allowing them to open their hearts and souls has been a life changing experience for me.
Getting to know many of them personally over the years has been a huge privilege.
Watching on as other grandparents readily step forward to offer help and care to those in similar situations has also been a privilege, they don’t ever think about themselves but about others and their focus is on what they can do to try and alleviate some of the hurt and pain.
When we are going through these traumatic times in our lives it is so easy to allow the hurt and pain to manifest itself in anger, bitterness and revenge, none of which helps us, our mental and physical health. It simply destroys us. Often those hurting the most can turn on others and all those emotions spill out in to vindictive actions against others.
If we can channel those negative emotions into actually helping those who need help, we all benefit.
You will all have heard me say relentlessly not to give up hope, and I make no apologies for reiterating it again as we hurtle towards a New Year.
Several grandparents over Christmas, who I think is fair to say, had given up hope, had their own miracles happen.
They have been able to tell those precious people, whom they have not seen for some time, that they love them, the most important thing we all want to say to our grandchildren.
I have never got tired of hearing these wonderful stories of reconciliation, it is the whole point , it makes all the negative stuff, fade into insignificance.
And at Christmas it is even more poignant.
These families will now embark on a new relationship a journey that will have a few pitfalls but a journey that leads forward, not back.
Make no mistake, it is not easy to start that new relationship, but it is so, so worth it.
I remember someone saying to me, ” I have not been in their lives for ….. years, I am not sure I know how to be a grandparent?”
No we don’t know how, and we will get things wrong, we haven’t been able to learn on the job as you normally do, on a day to day basis, a getting to know one another day to day and grow together. It takes endless patience and understanding, this is new to all concerned, and above all else we need compassion.
Compassion for each other.
I don’t know what the future holds, there will be difficult times to face but I do know that there are now families who have the rest of lives together who were apart only a few days ago.
Hope is alive and kicking.
