As you might expect running a support group you hear some of the most devastating stories, although of course these aren’t stories these are real personal situations that brings grandparents to their knees.
Call after call, email after email carries pain and unbelievable hurt and confusion.
For 15 years now I have walked these journeys with grandparents, not able to make things better but to share my empathy and hold out a hand of friendship. To hopefully connect them with others who understand totally, because they are in the same place.
To reassure them that they are not alone.
As we enter into a brand New Year, it has been just wonderful to be able to share the joy of reconciliations.
Talking to a grandparent when this miracle happens, carries no words to describe the joy.
To watch the sparkle back in someone’s eyes is magic.
Reconciliation takes time and patience and thought.
Many grandparents say they want to put the record straight to tell their grandchildren how awful it has been and start to blame the children’s parents for the estrangement.
STOP.
If you bad mouth a parent, what is it saying to the children?
The children are half of each of their parents, they love them both, if you criticise one of their parents you are criticising half of the child.
Children do not want to get involved in adult conflict.
When you are reunited, be led by the children, don’t visit the past, it is just that the past.
What is important is the here and now, it is time to rebuild that relationship and look to the future.
The children will want to share what they are doing in their life, enjoy being part of that window into their life.
After all it is what you have dreamt of for a long time.
You will feel nervous at that first meeting, of course you will, but they will also be feeling a bit anxious, so just let the conversation unfurl, as it will.
Children are all about the present there will be plenty to talk about.
I remember so well the first time I heard my granddaughter say, ‘hello grandma,’ after 11years, it was all I wanted.
Never give up hope, miracles really do happen.