We talk about all different aspects of unjustified estrangement and there are many, but one result often dismissed is our confidence.
As a grandparent recently said to me, ” I have no confidence anymore, I used to be able to go off and try new things, go to new places and meet new people with confidence, but now, I can’t do any of those things, my confidence is shot.”
Grandparents have all self esteem stripped from them by the behaviour of others.
As parents we all have to sometimes pretend to be confident when supporting children to try new things ect, and eventually we build up our confidence. In most cases those situations we might be a bit apprehensive about are never as scary as we imagine once we try, hopefully our children build their confidence in the same way with our help.
When we are faced with non contact, we question everything.
We spend hours and hours trying to think what it was we have done, could we have done something differently?
If we spend too much time in that space, it is obvious that we will start to lose our confidence, because we suddenly doubt ourselves.
It is absolutely natural that estrangement is like having the confidence rug pulled out from under us, everything we have ever known, everything we have lived for is taken from us.
The perpetrators of estrangement will often say things like, “If you don’t know what you have done I am not going to tell you.” This immediately puts all our actions in doubt, consequently squashing our confidence.
I would suggest that comments such as the above, says more about them than us.
If we are adult and mature enough, we communicate, we discuss things that may be causing issues and as mature adults we work out how we can make things better for everyone, but if others refuse to communicate, we have no way of improving things.
For any grandparent to be made to feel they can no longer do the things they used to do because of someone else’s behaviour, is heartbreaking.
Life is precious, life can be short and we have to find that inner strength to push through these horrible feelings of no confidence.
If you are reading this and you are in despair, please don’t stay silent, reach out for help and support, it is by asking for help that you can begin to build your confidence, there are many people ready, willing and able to hold your hand and walk beside you.
