Any form of Domestic Abuse is unacceptable.
We are all far too familiar in seeing posters and adverts depicting the stereotypical portrait of a female cowering in the corner as a male figure towers above her in an aggressive stance, truly awful, it is imperative that everyone also acknowledges that females can and are often the perpetrators of abuse.
I don’t want this blog to turn into a gender discussion, for me it is simple, gender should not come into this subject at all.
Domestic Abuse involves both genders.
What we need to understand is that DA is not always about the physical side of violence, there is a dark and almost silent form of DA.
Many people will be facing getting up every morning with a partner who has a very subtle way of being abusive.
They are clever, the most affective way of mentally abusing someone is a slow drip feed of controlling behaviours.
Just the comment of how you look everyday, over time makes you question your appearance, the perpetrators want you to question every action you make, to doubt yourself.
Small comments, almost said under their breath, eat away at you.
Isolation.
They will alienate your friends from you and your family, anyone who is close to you will be slowly erased from your life.
Abusers will take control of your finances and you have to become totally dependant on them.
I could list so many behaviours, all of them very subtle no-one else really notices that anything is wrong.
The truth is that you are dying inside, you no longer have any self worth or self esteem, you are stripped of all control.
Relationships, need work, they don’t just happen, it is a two way mutual respect thing. Those of us who have been with the same partner for many years, know only too well how hard it can be, there will be disagreements, after all, we are all individuals and we do have our own thoughts and opinions. There will be those who believe that constant rows are just the way it is and that every couple argue.
Having a disagreement and having a row where one side thinks it is perfectly ok to lash out and hit the other person, or to throw things at them, is totally different, and it is not normal or acceptable.
Some of this will be learnt behaviour.
Many children grow up in volatile households, they witness their own parents behaving in an unacceptable way, yelling, swearing, being aggressive and disrespectful towards one another. It becomes perfectly normal and these children believe that all couples behave this way. They will then behave this way in their own relationships, after all, it is normal, isn’t it?
No, it isn’t.
Those ‘gentle,’ flicks of the hand across the leg, don’t just stay that way, it gets worse and more aggressive.
For those children who have grown up this way, need to be educated that no form of control be it mental or physical is acceptable and it never will be.
We all have to agree to disagree over certain things, because we are all unique and we all have freedom of thought. It is not an excuse to become violent.
If you are facing this sort of abuse, please talk to someone.
