As we begin the countdown to the end of another year, a time for reflection.
Having run BGSG for 16 years now, one word I have had to learn more than any other is, resilience.
During my working life working with children, some of whom had many learning differences, resilience was so important.
Learning how to deal with life and all that it throws at us can be so hard, whether you are 5 or 70!
Here is the definition of resilience: The capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.
Anyone who has experienced unjustified estrangement from a loved one, has to work very hard to find that resilience.
Time and time again just when we think we are ok ish, something happens and down the spiral we go again.
I don’t think there are any tricks about how to be resilient, we will all have our own inner strength to call on when needed.
But sometimes it fails us and we are left floundering.
In my own personal life, some of you will know that Marc, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s about four years ago, and there are times when I have lost my resilience. Watching your soulmate of over 50 years, succumb to this horrible condition is, well I don’t have the words actually.
One of the many things with the condition is that you are supposed to avoid stress! Well clearly that is impossible, however much you try to protect your loved one, if they are anxious or worried the condition is worse. We have run BGSG together and we support each other over the ups and downs of running a charity, but occasionally both of us lose the very resilience required. We have to dig deep to continue. Especially when the very people you try to help and support turn on you, and try to discredit us. Fortunately it doesn’t happen very often, but the hurt it causes both of us is horrible. And for me knowing how badly this sort of thing can affect Marc is too much too bear.
The positives always outweigh the negative behaviour of some, we are so grateful for the friendship and love that has been shown to us, even though we have come together over some of the darkest times of estrangement, we all look out for one another.
I have been looking back at this year, at the beginning of 2022 we all seemed to appear from our isolation from Covid and stated to take tenuous steps to getting back to some sort of normality.
Here is a brief list of how the year panned out:
:Did a quote for a book about grandparents.
: Interview with John Darvall.
: Itv tonight programme got in touch about a forthcoming documentary.
: Continuing with zoom meetings.
: Hope to restart face to face meetings in April
: Kinship, Grandparents Plus adding our groups to their website.
: Completed training on responding to suicidal callers.
: Blog published on Two Wishes
: More suicide prevention training.
: Referrals from Mind, Silver line, and health community groups and GP’s.
: ITV documentary wanting grandparents to learn how to rap, as therapy!
: Wrote an article for Metro.
: Contacted by Contemporary Family Magazine in the US, possible podcast etc in the Autumn.
: Connected with, Dr Angharad Rudkin
Chartered Psychologist (BPS), MA(Oxon), AFBPsS she will be joining our next zoom meeting
Registered Psychological Practitioner (HCPC)
: Contacted by Health Partnership, rooms for community groups across the UK.
: Talk at St Peters.
: Bench to go on the Bristol Downs with BGSG plaque.
: Talk on reconciliation at Lorraine’s meeting.
: Lecturer/researchers doing research into mediation when grandparents loose contact.
: Zoom meeting with Charlotte and Samantha lecturers at Uni Essex and Uni Birmingham will partner with them on their 3 year project on the impact on grandparent going to court and how mediation works or doesn’t. If they obtain funding from The Nuffield Foundation will have regular meetings to give input, questionnaire will be sent out to grandparent groups.
: Contacted by Family Matters Mediate asking if I would consider doing a webinar to train family lawyers on the impact on grandparents going to court ect. Confirmed.
: Blog on positive relationships with grandchild and grandparents, contributions from Jo Frost (Global Parenting Expert), Dame Esther Rantzen DBE, Dr Sue Whitcombe, John Darvall, James Hayhurst (Parents Promise) Judge Philip Marcus (Retired), etc
: Documentary to take place, to be aired in October.
: Bench installed on the Downs.
: New trustees Miriam and Ashley
: ITV programme aired, contacted by 50 + grandparents.
: I Will Survive booklet now downloadable. Send all over the UK, intend to send to community groups, Citizens advice, etc.
: Possible new group in Cornwall and Sutton Coldfield
: Wrote article for Only Dads/Mums updated book our next year.
: Annual Tree of Hope, messages once again from all over the world.
We have continued with our regular zoom meetings as well as face to face support group meetings.
The helpline has been very busy this year, over 400 calls to date, it is just myself who answers the Helpline so please if I am not around at the time you call, please leave your number and I will get back to you as soon as I am able.
That number doesn’t include the number of contacts via, email, or social media.
It is of course very disturbing to hear such sad stories from so many people, but the resilience shown by so many grandparents is inspiring and enabling.
When we started on this journey all those years ago, I made a promise to myself that if I ever forgot why I set the group up in the first place, that being in the name of my granddaughter, then I would call it a day.
That promise still stands.
So time to take a breath and for Marc and I to regain our resilience.
Resolute
Empowering
Steadfast
Impervious
Legitimate
Illuminated
Encourage
Nourish
Choice
Enlightened
