We seem to live in a society where everyone blames everyone else.
The saying that ‘we always blame the generation before,’ has never been so prevalent, most certainly in family breakdown situations, as it is today.
When do we let go of the blame?
Some never do.
Over and over again I hear of adult children accusing their parents for everything that had gone wrong for them in their life.
I have written about my own childhood and teenage years, and the experiences I had, but I have never allowed that to define me.
I could have done the ‘blame’ game, I could have used it as a weapon to get back at my father, but I had a choice and I decided that I would be me, and that I could make a difference and that my past would not influence my future.
We can not continue to blame our parents, or our past, we all have the ability to make our own choice, we are responsible for every decision and choice we make.
Of course there are certain things that happen to people that they just can’t get past, but that isn’t what I am talking about.
In the main we try to do our best to be good enough parents, we make sacrifices for our children and sometimes we have to make unpopular decisions on behalf of our children. Those unpopular decisions can and often do haunt us for the rest of our lives, because we are never forgiven.
The children become adults and are resentful and hold those decisions against their parents.
So when do these adult children actually become adults and realise that they are not necessarily entitled?
I know for a fact my grandparents would never have supported my parents in the way our children now expect.
I mean in the materialistic way, not in an emotional way.
Grandparents have given their children deposits for their house, have set them up in new homes, pay for a car, the list is endless, only when certain payments stop, the children then throw that relationship out of the window, and it will be their parents who of course are to blame.
Being an adult means taking responsibility, not about your rights!
Grandparents face so much cruelty and the pain goes right to their soul. They quite literally have their hearts broken.
In the middle of all of this mistrust and accusations are children, the innocent party who have loving relationships taken away from them, children who have one wish to be part of a happy healthy family.
There are those fighting for Grandparents Rights, when the focus should never be about the adult but about the children, it always swings back to adults rights, we will never move forward with family breakdown if we continue in this vein.
Whoever you are be that a parent, an adult child or a grandparent everyone has to put the children first, and their well-being at the forefront of all our thinking.
Children do not care whether you were forced to eat purple broccoli or you were unable to follow your dream because your parents did not have the finances to enable you to do so, what they require in fact costs nothing.
They just want to be loved.
