Those of us who have been involved in the heartbreak of unjustified estrangement are all too often accused of not getting it out in the public eye.
People say ,
“What are you doing about it?”
What people don’t understand is that each and everyone of us work tirelessly trying to get the media in all its forms to tell the complex stories of this living bereavement.
Everyone I know involved in support groups and organisations have and do constantly contact the media, but rarely is it ever picked up.
Several of us have taken the problem to the highest level, with debates and meetings with ministers at Westminster, we have cross party support, but even that does not tell the life long damage caused by the emotional abuse of denying a child contact with a loved family member.
So why is it impossible?
All media have very strict rules about what they can and can not say or print, nothing gets past until the legal teams say it is ok.
In most cases, the initial contact has come from the media themselves.
Over 15 years, I can count on one hand how many articles or programmes who do actually air or publish, on too many occasions we have spent hours taking to researchers, producers and directors, we give them details of grandparents who are willing and able to talk to them. That in itself is a really difficult thing for grandparents to do, to open their hearts to scrutiny.
Having got to this place is when things start to change.
Here are just a few obstacles.
Quite rightly you mustn’t name your grandchild, for safeguarding purposes, you must also not mention location of yourself or your grandchild.
Obviously if you are going through the court system you will not be allowed to take part.
You may well be told not to give the gender of your grandchild.
Obviously you also have no control of the editing, so that really vital phrase you may have said, might be removed.
As you can see already, what you then get left with is a sterile, stilted conversation. You constantly are aware of all the things you are not allowed to say.
Often filming etc, will take all day, for a three minute slot.
Those interviewed may also have their voice changed, and only shots of the back of their heads are allowed.
Oh and then there is the ‘right to reply.’
For those who don’t know what that is, it is that the media company has to get the balanced point of view so they say they have to contact the perpetrators of the estrangement, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the recipient has or will reply, but they have to be given that opportunity.
On many occasions programmes get pulled at the last moment.
So when we see programmes about estrangement and then complain that they are not getting to the actual real life stories, those are just some of the reasons why.
We live in a society of litigation, the fear of being sued is very real.
I absolutely understand the problems, but what happens is that anyone involved with the media trying to raise awareness doesn’t have their hands tied behind their back, they have their voices censored.
Whilst all of this is going on, millions of children/grandchildren are facing day after day of being denied contact with loving and caring parents and grandparents, a fundamental right.
The next time you watch and complain that a programme or article didn’t go far enough, these are just some of the reasons why.
