June 25th 2025 was one of the most extraordinary days of my life.
It started early, around 4am, if I am honest don’t think I slept at all the night before, after six months of overthinking and wondering if I could actually attend this event, here it was.
Time to take a first deep breath and let the day unfold.
Today was the day I was to go to Windsor Castle to receive the MBE I had been awarded.
It had taken months to organise, the most important concern for me was to make sure that Marc had someone here with him, the biggest sadness for me was that he was not going to be able to come with me, but he insisted I was to go.
My amazing brother-in-law came over from Norfolk to be here, so all was set.
I don’t know,of course, how others react when they receive the letter to say you have been awarded a New Years Honour, for me I was utterly speechless, and to this day, don’t really understand why.
After the initial, shock, I then began the ‘overthinking,’ I think I went through absolutely every possible scenario of things that could go wrong, from not being able to speak, to falling over whilst stepping backwards, to my shoes flying off and hitting the ‘royal ‘on the head!
So by the time I reached yesterday, I was a blithering wreck inside.
Of course we then had to do the ‘what on earth am I going to wear,’ those of you who know me, know that I don’t do smart, and don’t even have a dress in my wardrobe. So a trip to somewhere was clearly going to be necessary for the purpose of attempting to make me presentable. Someone suggested that I went to John Lewis and did the, personal shopping, thing. Again so out of my comfort zone. Anyway I did, and when I saw the dresses on the rail they had picked out I panicked, nothing looked like me at all, but went through the painful process of trying it all on, sighing ever deeper as I looked like, well not sure really, all I could see in that horrible full length mirror was someone else. The young lady who was assisting me, was delightful, and I think was beginning to think I was a lost cause, until just one outfit popped up. Firstly it fitted me, which was in it self a success, I loved the colour, and the jacket hid most of the bits I wanted to hide!
Job done.
So, I digress somewhat.
Moving on, I was dressed, make up done, important documents all ready, one of my sons had stayed over and he was up and ready and my other son arrived, and so we were on our way.
You can take up to three guests, so had had my boys with me and a very good friend and trustee of BGSG.
There was a small issue that we had to pick him up from a hotel near heathrow, as his son was heading off to American that morning so he had travelled to london the night before. Perhaps you see where another overthinking problem had started to get inside my head! Flight delays, not being able to find hotel ect, ect.
None of which happened of course.
Having fuelled up at said hotel with breakfast, off we go again,
There it was that iconic scene of The Long Walk with the beautiful backdrop of Windsor Castle.
As we slowly drove up , towards to top gate, there were a large number of police, all doing ID checks and sniffer dogs, sniffing all over everyones cars, the thought that one of my boys had bought some snacks with him, as on a specific diet,which included, what now was going to be hot cheese, in the boot, I held my breath hoping dog wouldn’t suddenly go bonkers.
Of course he didn’t.
All of the security and police were really lovely and good humoured,
We were instructed to go up and park.
So here we were, it was actually going to happen.
When I entered the Castle, I was overwhelmed by the history of this building, these iconic scenes that we are so familiar with seeing on our TV’s, happy and sad occasions that we witness from afar, have all happened exactly where we are now standing, time to pause and just drink it all in.
At this point you are in other people’s hands, and you need to listen and follow instructions.
You are met with kindness and treated as though this is your special day and they are all there to make it special.
At every step someone is talking to you, making you feel at ease, many are officers in uniform, it is a well oiled machine, in every way.
Walking through the many rooms is in itself inspirational, every room tells its own story from decades ago up to the present day, for many their working environment.
Having been shown into yet another room, a hook is placed on your jacket, where the award will be placed, and you wait for the time to be called, the room is full of past Kings and Queens portraits, interestingly all seem to have very small heads? There is a sort of hush around the room as the anticipation builds, none of us knowing what will happen next.
Eventually, you are briefed by an officer in full regalia, he takes us through the process, all with a light touch, he says that when The Prince of Wales receives us, he will start a conversation with you and hopefully we will make it a two way conversation. I was sitting there thinking I don’t quite know whether to bow, courtesy, step forward, step back, address him as Your Royal Highness or Sir, let alone try to speak!
I was second to last to be called through, to yet more wonderful aides, saying it will all be ok and to enjoy my special day.
Your guests then leave you and enter the Presentation Room and you are called in to stand with an equerry, who also is so skilled in supporting you, he tells me, to take my time, there is no hurry.
I hear someone say my name, and I have to move off my spot.
Suddenly there I am standing in front of our future King, who is smiling broadly at me. He says, ‘Good Morning, Jane, are you OK?” I said good morning back, forgot to say your Royal Highness, and he starts to talk to me, he asks about BGSG, he asks if we mediate with families, and so we just starting having a very relaxed chat. He leans forward and shakes my hand, which is my signal to let go of his hand and leave, again I was suppose to take a few steps backwards, but forgot that as well.
Whilst this has been happening, my family are ushered to the side of the room where they watch it all happening, as I reached them the look on their faces was something I will never forget, they were proud of their Mum, I just managed to not burst into tears.
I had done it.
We were then shown in to another room, where the MBE is removed and put in a box and given to you, followed by official photos.
It was time to go outside and take our own pictures, to capture that moment, my guests insisted I had a photo taken by the Guard of Honour, felt so sorry for him as it must happen all the time, we asked his permission and he gave us a very small nod!
As we were one of the last recipients the castle was very quiet, also due to the fact it was closed to the public for the day, we spent time just enjoying the moment and trying to etch it all into our memories.
It was time to leave, as we had been given a blue badge parking space right inside the castle quadrangle, we had to leave form a difference exit than others, for the first in my life, and I suspect the last time, a policeman gave an order for bollards to be lowered so we could leave, there were lots of people outside all standing about with cameras, obviously looking out for anyone famous, Gareth Southgate received a knighthood yesterday as well.
The temptation was to do a wave at everyone, but I resisted.
My only regret is that Marc, who has always been my side and supported me in running BGSG, wasn’t well enough to be with me.
I had to write about it today to make sure I didn’t forget all that had occured and to share with you all.
If our own estrangement hadn’t happened all those years ago, none of yesterdays event would have happened.
Lastly, thank you so much for those who nominated me for this honour, I know myself what a lot of work it involves to nominate someone. The letters you all submitted are just wonderful, and I know I don’t deserve the accolades written.
This MBE which I wore with pride, is for the millions of grandchildren and grandparents who are denied a loving ,caring relationship with their family.
