This is a question that all group leaders should ask themselves constantly.
Many years ago a grandparent said to me,
I don’t want to join a support group if it is going to make me feel worse than I do already.
Those words are constantly in my mind.
Of course everyone who attends a support group will be looking for something different, and it may be that we don’t offer what everyone is looking for.
Some people do believe that we can do something to change their own personal situation, and of course we can’t do that, we do not have the answers to all questions.
I recently attended a support group for my own personal reasons, it was their first meeting and it was interesting to be if you like, ‘on the other side,’ and I found myself asking what I was actually wanting from that group. In truth I am still thinking about it!
As you know all groups are run independently, and all group leaders run their groups in their own way.
For me it is important to not overthink it, if you have members who keep returning then you are doing something right.
None of us are there to tell anyone what to do, or to give advice, but to listen.
A good support group should never be judgemental, but be a safe place for grandparents to share their stories and experiences in complete confidentiality, and to show other grandparents that they are no longer alone.
I know that some group leaders get very frustrated because nothing seems to have changed, certainly nothing has changed in 17 years. although I would say that through groups the issue of estrangement is now talked about more than it was all those years ago. People come and go giving false hope and promises only to leave vulnerable grandparents disappointed and even more despondent.
It is quite simple really, people coming together, people who are or have walked in those shoes of estrangement, grandparents who ‘get it’.
I have an in person meeting tomorrow afternoon, and I know that the room will be filled with compassion, empathy and care.
For me that is what makes a good support group, nothing fancy or complicated.
There is just one thing, you do need cake!
