Labels and jargon

Everyone will be aware of numerous labels and names for those who are perpetrators of unjustified estrangement.

One obvious one is Narcissistic, it pops up all over the place.

Many claim that those who decide to cut someone out of their lives are indeed Narcissists, I am not a great fan of labels, but let’s look at the definition:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, fantasies of unlimited power or importance, and the need for admiration or special treatment.

A narcissist believes they are right, you cannot reason with them. If you try they will immediately become defensive.

Generally speaking it appears the narcissist will gather others around them, people they can manipulate and control.

Those who will back them up in agreeing with everything they say and do.

These people are often called ‘Flying Monkeys,’ the term comes from ‘The Wizard of Oz,” when the Wicked Witch uses flying monkeys to carry out her dirty work.

It is how family members will be coerced by the Narcissist to side with them and they will distort reality and truth.

It’s often difficult to recognize a flying monkey, as they may seem like normal people who are simply taking sides in a disagreement or conflict – LAUREN KERWIN, PHD

Dr. Kerwin outlines a few key tell-tale signs to look out for:

They side with the narcissist no matter the situation or evidence presented to them

They spread gossip or rumors about you

They gaslight or manipulate you

They dismiss or trivialize your feelings

They pass on information about you to help the narcissist harass you

In the end, do we need labels?

Most of us know how to behave, and hopefully most of us would never intentionally hurt or harm anyone, we try to live our lives with others in mind, questioning our actions and the effect those actions have on other people.

Sadly in reality there are those who are out to cause us pain, you can give them a label  if it helps,  be that  Narcissist or Flying Monkey,  but it wont make the pain lessen.

It is the action of others, those who are not taking responsibility for their own behaviour, labeled or not that are tearing families apart in the cruellest of ways.

We have to maintain our own integrity and values.




About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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