Rejection and how to deal with it.

All of us will have felt rejected when we are unjustifiably estranged from our adult children/grandchildren.

Many of us hang onto hope, that at some point we will be reunited and many are, but what if you are rejected again?

Let me try to explain what I mean.

We all hope that when the grandchildren get older that they will make up their own minds and will want to reconnect, and again many do, but there are those who don’t.

When an older grandchild tells their grandparent that they do not want to re-establish a relationship, the hurt and pain of that rejection cuts deeply.

It is one thing to be rejected by their parents but coming from the child it literally breaks grandparents hearts.

So if this happens, how do we deal with it?

We have to respect their wishes of course, they are now adults and are able to make decisions about who they want in their lives.

This is where self-protection has to come into play.

There will be so many different emotions that you will feel, sadness, loss, anger and many more, we have to allow ourselves time to work through them, and accept what has happened.

We all want to be loved and to belong and when we are rejected we begin to self doubt.

You are grieving.

At first you might not quite believe what has happened, with realisation you may feel angry this is a good time to take some deep breaths to calm that anger. Overthinking may suggest that if only you can just sit and talk to them you can put things right. In reality that isn’t going to happen and we have to respect their decision.

Now think about you, what do you need to do to help yourself, you can’t control others but you can control how you respond, you might start to doubt your self worth. Look to others who love and care for you, do things that give you comfort. Constantly tell yourself you are a good person and you are valued.

Accepting the situation allows you to be back in control of your emotions and feelings.

You may never fully understand why they have rejectected you, and that’s OK, there aren’t always answers to our questions.

We need to build up our resilience,to withstand the hurt and pain.

Start writing a journal to help you rebuild your self confidence. Write down all the things you like about yourself, read them when you are feeling low.

Say affirmations out loud, for example

I deserve to be treated with love and respect.

Affirmations aren’t easy, you have to keep at it!

Don’t blame yourself for the rejection, thinking negative thoughts is not helpful, don’t say things like

I must be a horrible person I will never be happy again

Rephrase it to something like

This is so hard to deal with, but I know I will be happy again at some point.

Above all else talk to someone, a close friend you trust or support group, remember that all emotions are temporary. Be your true self, as that is who you really are and that is much more important than the views of someone else.

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

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