June 14th is Estranged Grandparents Awareness Day, last year we left ‘Pebbles of Love’ all over the country, this year I asked grandparents to write poems to those precious people that they are denied contact from.
I don’t need to explain, the words written with love, say it all.
Any poems with names are by the permission of the author.
Hurt.
The bond between me and you is the strongest I have ever known
Being torn apart gives me more pain than I can cope with
But still, I go on
I will fight to be in your life forever more
Until the day you walk through my door.
Love for a grandchild is incomparable
Intense, wonderful and makes you complete
Four wonderful years I was part of your daily life
And then ripped away, jagged as if with a knife.
This hole inside me will never heal
But I will stay strong, as I know one day
I will hold you and tell you what my heart wants to say.
This is the cruellest thing that could ever be done
To be told you will never see this little one
And to carry it through knowing the hurt it must cause
Compounds my pain and still no remorse.
I write to you daily in a book that I bought
So, you don’t miss out on our lives and know how hard we all fought
I hope you don’t think this is anything you have done
Just know how much you are missed and loved my little one.
The End of the Rainbow.
The end of the rainbow, high in the sky
but it remains far out of my reach.
Build sandcastles, read stories, maybe bake cakes,
giggle at their excited screech.
Memories aren’t just made in heaven,
they’re free for every child to cherish.
Flowers need water, memories need love,
cruelly, mine have been allowed to perish.
I walk the same route every day,
imprinting the tread of my shoes.
Walking alongside stupidity and futility,
they constantly win, and I lose.
I ache enviously every time I see
a grandparent hand in hand with a child.
I ask myself, will this be forever
or will we ever be reconciled?
The end of the rainbow, high in the sky
and at the end, there’s a pot of gold.
Where grandchildren wait, blissfully unaware
of their birth right, that is growing old.
Marian Elias
Look into your hearts.
I look into my heart
because I see you there.
The rest is now a memory.
My grandchildren, my family.
Two special babies fathered by my child,
a son to me so dear.
My heart still sees him too,
because a mother’s love is true.
Sometimes I cry and lie awake at night,
bathed in shadows.
Yet knowing you are happy lets in light,
which gives me strength to fight
the pain of missing him, the pain of missing you.
Estrangement, stranger, strange.
All words that no-one loves
but they’re just words, they have no power!
My love is in my heart
The link to you is strong.
Just as I see you, so you can see me.
If you look into your hearts
that’s where I’ll always be.
There’s a hole in my heart.
There’s a hole in my heart
And it won’t go away
There’s a hole in my heart
It seems here to stay.
There’s a hole in my heart
Where memories should be
There’s a very large part
Of it broken you see.
The hole in my heart
Needs laughter and tears
To fill that very large part
That instead grieves and fears.
The love in my heart
Helps to soothe so much pain.
All that keeps us apart
Let our connection remain.
The whole of my heart
Fills with softness and warmth
When I hold in my heart
Happy moments of birth.
That hole in my heart
Does not belong there
It means there’s a part
That’s filled with despair.
When the hole in my heart
Family times we can share
Heals so much that can start
To show how to care.
Then a heart with a hole
Can no longer persist
As repair is our goal
Loves hard to resist.
A child called Hope
I watch you from afar
Your steps unsure
Wobbling, your arms working
To keep you upright
And then- striding out
Into what you were born for,
Walking your own path.
One day,
When you feel less certain
Of your steps,
You may turn and look back,
With a curious gaze
And see me faintly in the mist
Watching you with the hope
That has always belonged
To both of us.
Feeling Sad.
Feeling so sad has we can not see you anymore.
Don’t know why we can not see you anymore.
We never did anything to hurt you or your mum
We loved you all with our all our hearts.
Always did and always will.
Feeling so broken hearted that we can not see you anymore.
Will we ever see you anytime soon?
We hope we will.
Sweetheart
We loved you so much, your heart it glowed
But sadly, others didn’t like the love that we showed.
A darkness came in and swept you away,
No longer could you visit for a second, yet a day.
Your world turned upside down and ours too
But no one would listen to us or to you.
What had happened in the blink of an eye?
A relationship ended but whom by?
Not you nor us but a force unseen,
Trying to erase all that had been.
But my sweetheart, love will always shine through
And we will always be here for you.
I was happy, I was blessed, and life was good.
Estrangement was never a familiar word to me
Why would it be?
I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good
But then my world collapsed
Estrangement, like a thief in the night
Stole me
Stole from me and then became me
Feelings? …not easily described, impossible to understand, consumed me
Now they have changed me. Maybe Changed me forever
I never believed pain could be this painful
Why would I?
I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good
But then you were all gone, along with the Sunshine, the laughter, the Joy
I had no warning, I wasn’t prepared
Why would I be?
I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good.
I didn’t want much
Just a chance to make memories,
to build sandcastles, to draw pictures and to read Stories
To create magic and stardust that would fill your world with special things
If you could both only know how much I love you and miss you and cry for you
And your Daddy too
To know that I never stop thinking of all of you, or wishing for rainbows
I would be happy; I would be blessed, and life would feel good
Estrangement is more than familiar now
Its s the cloak of shame, the coat of guilt the suit of grief
And the gown of despair
The clothes I wear.
I am no longer Nanna or Mum, or Grandma or Mother to you all
Not even a shadow that cast form in the beautiful light
Forgive me for not trying harder, for not doing better, for not finding a way
You see I just couldn’t find answers, I wasn’t prepared
I was just being happy, feeling blessed and life was so good
To my dearest Son and my two precious Angels
I will hold you safe in my heart forever
Mum / Nanna xxxxxxxx
Time
I have lost count of how many days passed since I saw you
But it is like yesterday
Counting and waiting for each month in passing
July brings the annual letter from the adoption agency
letter is empty with words
Another year to pass
Wishing speed for the years to pass
5 years , 10, 15 and then 18 years
Will time tear us apart
Will you come look for me
Will I be too old
Will time recognise us
Nani loves you eternally.
A poem for my grandchildren.
Grandma’s imaginary thoughts of the first telephone call, after many years of being separated from their Grandchildren!
Hello grandchildren.
Everyday, I thought of you.
I waited, waited and waited.
To hear you.
To see you.
Who am I?
I am your Grandma.
Grandpa is also here with me.
Hello Grandpa. We have missed you and Grandma.
We have missed you as well.
We’ve never stopped thinking about you.
Why couldn’t we see both of you and all the people we knew?
Oh sweethearts, such a sad, sad story.
Such dreadful lies.
We have always loved and cared for you so much.
Please, just remember the true life we had together.
Not the lies told to you.
Not from the people who never put you first.
Not from the people who didn’t look at the facts.
Evil behaviour destroyed seeing you.
We tried everything we could to see you.
Whatever you have been told, we certainly did try.
You don’t believe us?
You thought we ignored you?
It’s not true!
Oh, the questions you will ask us.
The answers you will hear.
Oh, such unnecessary pain.
Can we save you?
Can we save you all?
We hope we can.
Time getting short now.
Getting very old.
Such wasted years.
We had so much love to give you.
Love for you, our wonderful grandchildren.
Everyday, we wished to hear your voices again.
Everyday, we wished to see your beautiful faces again.
Also, your beautiful, vulnerable mummy.
Then Grandma and Grandpa you really do love us?
Of course, we do! You are our precious grandchildren.
We have never stopped loving you.
Oh Grandma, we have missed you and Grandpa so much.
We know and we have missed you as well.
Others didn’t listen to you when you were young!
Others didn’t let you have a voice!
We wanted to see our lovely grandchildren so much.
We wanted to see you as well Grandma and you Grandpa.
They should have listened to us Grandma!
I know they should have.
Oh Grandma and Grandpa we love you so much.
We also miss and love our uncle and all our family and friends we once knew.
We love each other more than all the stars in the universe.
Yes, we do!
True love never dies!
Broken family 9 years on
Our beautiful Granddaughter with big blue eyes
A smile that melts our hearts
Cuddles of love that last a lifetime
No prouder Grandparents than us
The pain of estrangement cuts like a knife
Time doesn’t heal like they say
Years of yearning
Wishing our son & DIL would be our friends again
Our Grandson born but never to meet us
A young mind poisoned towards Gran & Grandad
We would give anything to be in their lives
Why can’t they give us a chance
Our once close family broken in pieces
I ask myself daily how did that happen
Was it my fault
Did I deserve it
I’m not the best ; not the worst
Just a loving, caring Parent & Grandparent
Unimaginable
I wonder what you think, I wonder what you are told
In our lives and taken out of our lives, left out in the cold
All we ever wanted, was to be a part of your life
We never thought something so normal would cause so much strife
Endless photos and videos of our times together help to keep our memories alive
An estrangement so devastating is something we thought we would never have to survive
Our precious angel, our first grandchild, a grandson with a smile that can lighten up any room
We pray for the days when our cherished relationship can resume
Grandparents and grandchild, names they want to take away from us
Thankfully, they never can, it’s forever, no matter how much they fuss
We love you little man, a blessing beyond imagination
Forever in our hearts that never, ever will need an explanation ❤️
Betrayal
How can so much joy and laughter turn to such sorrow and pain in the blink of an eye.
No reason or explanation, no arguments or cross words only lies and false hoods as to the reason why.
Children yearn for the family they knew, of laughter, days out and sleepovers, school visits and much, much more.
Now they are ammunition for grown-ups who cannot cope, who compound their hurt and longing for what they knew before.
Time will not lessen the hurt that has past or the betrayal of the closeness of family ties.
It was a time of great content our memories still shining bright that will never be tarnished by lies.
Loss
Lying in my arms, this precious child
Blue eyes staring up at me
What fun we will have
What a responsibility.
Now my arms are empty
My heart is broken
Our family is incomplete
How did this happen?
Maybe a misunderstanding
A wrong word, or look
I say sorry but I don’t know what I have done
The loss is unbearable.
The gift of a grandchild
A magical experience
No longer can I see those blue eyes
No longer can I hear the words,” Granny,”
The emptiness I feel can not be described
The darkness enshrouds me
Taking me down to a black place
All I can do is hope.
Email from our daughter on 27/08/2017
“We have decided that you seeing the children needs to stop at this time” ….
Poem by an estranged grandparent.
This email popped up just out of the blue
We could not believe it or think what to do
First it was shock and then disbelief
Then came the sobbing, the anger, the grief
The shame and the blame and what have we done?
We ransacked our conscience and came up with none.
Our whole motivation through our married life
To provide for our children a home free of strife
To ensure their happiness we sacrificed all
The loving, the caring, the joy we recall
That our family was normal and the fortune bestowed
Upon us by our Lord helped to lighten the load
Throughout education their lives were secure
As very proud parents we watched them mature
Their wonderful weddings with memories galore
Their love and their happiness – we wanted no more
Soon our first grandchild – a beautiful boy
We never imagined he’d bring us such joy
However, a problem we had not foretold
Post partum psychosis had taken a hold
Our daughter was Sectioned – not able to care
The whole of our family in deepest despair
We soon rallied round – no time to delay
We raised him together and now we can say
His mother recovered his father stayed strong
And soon they were home – back where they belong
As Grandparents we gave them our total support
We did all we were asked never gave it a thought
The story repeated again in three years
And this time a girl Oh the joy and the tears!
The recovery came sooner and back on their feet
Two beautiful children the family complete.
Our bonds were so strong and our love was so deep
The bottles, the nappies, the rocking to sleep
Like most grandparents do we helped with their care
Always available such a privilege to share
BUT OH! Eight years later the day before school
We had promised to meet them – we did as a rule
This email popped up just out of the blue
We could not believe it or think what to do
It’s now four years on and we miss them so much
We know they miss us and long for our touch
But now after COVID everything’s changed
EVERYONE knows how it feels to be estranged
But millions of us though we never say never
Will sadly remain in estrangement for ever
We need to have HOPE and strive for achievement
This SILENT PANDEMIC is a LIVING BEREAVEMENT.
To our adult grandchildren.
We miss you so much, it’s been a long time
Since we’ve seen or heard from you, never a sign
Are you enjoying life, is it treating you well?
We would love to know, but you won’t tell
Yet once you couldn’t wait to see us, to let us know
What you were doing – parties, holidays, now we are the foe
You keep everything from us, block us out of your life
Are you happy, content – or do you have strife?
Open your mind, you’ve never heard our side
Never talked or listened to us, we haven’t lied
Two sides to every story, hear what we have to say
Though you don’t have to, but please don’t delay
Get in touch with us, we still love you, but time is not on our side,
Please don’t leave it to late (we in our 80’s now) and find we have died.
Grandma and Granddad. xxx
Hope is our banner.
Soon to be a grandmother again, wonderful news in every way, but great grandson the pain of losing you will never go away.
Each night I say ‘goodnight’ to you, each morn ‘have a lovely day’, my heart was broken in pieces the day they took you away.
6yrs have past, how handsome you have grown just like your daddy who was also left alone. So many people hurt through jealously & spite, the question ‘why’ haunts me every single night.
Be good and true young man, god willing there will come a day, where daddy, nanny and grandma will be able to say – ‘we never stopped loving you the day you went away’ you will remain in our hearts till our dying day.
So many others like us hurting everyday, not understanding why it had to be this way.
Hope is our banner when you will have your say “A wish to find your family” that was sadly pushed away.
Thank you so much to each and every grandparent who sent these poems, you have told everyone how it feels to not be part of your grandchildren’s lives.
