Estranged Grandparents Awareness Day

June 14th is Estranged Grandparents Awareness Day, last year we left ‘Pebbles of Love’ all over the country, this year I asked grandparents to write poems to those precious people that they are denied contact from.

I don’t need to explain, the words written with love, say it all.

Any poems with names are by the permission of the author.

 

Hurt.

The bond between me and you is the strongest I have ever known

Being torn apart gives me more pain than I can cope with

But still, I go on

I will fight to be in your life forever more

Until the day you walk through my door.

 

Love for a grandchild is incomparable

Intense, wonderful and makes you complete

Four wonderful years I was part of your daily life

And then ripped away, jagged as if with a knife.

 

This hole inside me will never heal

But I will stay strong, as I know one day

I will hold you and tell you what my heart wants to say.

 

This is the cruellest thing that could ever be done

To be told you will never see this little one

And to carry it through knowing the hurt it must cause

Compounds my pain and still no remorse.

 

I write to you daily in a book that I bought

So, you don’t miss out on our lives and know how hard we all fought

I hope you don’t think this is anything you have done

Just know how much you are missed and loved my little one.

 

The End of the Rainbow.

The end of the rainbow, high in the sky

but it remains far out of my reach.

Build sandcastles, read stories, maybe bake cakes,

giggle at their excited screech.

 

Memories aren’t just made in heaven,

they’re free for every child to cherish.

Flowers need water, memories need love,

cruelly, mine have been allowed to perish.

 

I walk the same route every day,

imprinting the tread of my shoes.

Walking alongside stupidity and futility,

they constantly win, and I lose.

 

I ache enviously every time I see

a grandparent hand in hand with a child.

I ask myself, will this be forever

or will we ever be reconciled?

 

The end of the rainbow, high in the sky

and at the end, there’s a pot of gold.

Where grandchildren wait, blissfully unaware

of their birth right, that is growing old.

 

 

Marian Elias

 

Look into your hearts.

 

I look into my heart

because I see you there.

The rest is now a memory.

My grandchildren, my family.

 

Two special babies fathered by my child,

a son to me so dear.

My heart still sees him too,

because a mother’s love is true.

 

Sometimes I cry and lie awake at night,

bathed in shadows.

Yet knowing you are happy lets in light,

which gives me strength to fight

the pain of missing him, the pain of missing you.

 

Estrangement, stranger, strange.

All words that no-one loves

but they’re just words, they have no power!

My love is in my heart

The link to you is strong.

Just as I see you, so you can see me.

If you look into your hearts

that’s where I’ll always be.

 

 

There’s a hole in my heart.

There’s a hole in my heart
And it won’t go away
There’s a hole in my heart
It seems here to stay.

There’s a hole in my heart
Where memories should be
There’s a very large part
Of it broken you see.

The hole in my heart
Needs laughter and tears
To fill that very large part
That instead grieves and fears.

The love in my heart
Helps to soothe so much pain.
All that keeps us apart
Let our connection remain.

The whole of my heart
Fills with softness and warmth
When I hold in my heart
Happy moments of birth.

That hole in my heart
Does not belong there
It means there’s a part
That’s filled with despair.

When the hole in my heart
Family times we can share
Heals so much that can start
To show how to care.

Then a heart with a hole
Can no longer persist
As repair is our goal
Loves hard to resist.

 

 

 

A child called Hope

 

I watch you from afar

Your steps unsure

Wobbling, your arms working

To keep you upright

And then- striding out

Into what you were born for,

Walking your own path.

One day,

When you feel less certain

Of your steps,

You may turn and look back,

With a curious gaze

And see me faintly in the mist

Watching you with the hope

That has always belonged

To both of us.

 

 

 

Feeling Sad.

 

Feeling so sad has we can not see you anymore.

Don’t know why we can not see you anymore.

We never did anything to hurt you or your mum

We loved you all with our all our hearts.

Always did and always will.

Feeling so broken hearted that we can not see you anymore.

Will we ever see you anytime soon?

We hope we will.

 

 

Sweetheart

 

We loved you so much, your heart it glowed

But sadly, others didn’t like the love that we showed.

A darkness came in and swept you away,

No longer could you visit for a second, yet a day.

 

Your world turned upside down and ours too

But no one would listen to us or to you.

What had happened in the blink of an eye?

A relationship ended but whom by?

 

Not you nor us but a force unseen,

Trying to erase all that had been.

But my sweetheart, love will always shine through

And we will always be here for you.

 

 

 

I was happy, I was blessed, and life was good.

 

Estrangement was never a familiar word to me

Why would it be?

I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good

But then my world collapsed

Estrangement, like a thief in the night

Stole me

Stole from me and then became me

Feelings? …not easily described, impossible to understand, consumed me

Now they have changed me.  Maybe Changed me forever

I never believed pain could be this painful

Why would I?

I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good

But then you were all gone, along with the Sunshine, the laughter, the Joy

I had no warning, I wasn’t prepared

Why would I be?

I was happy, I was blessed, and life was so good.

I didn’t want much

Just a chance to make memories,

to build sandcastles, to draw pictures and to read Stories

To create magic and stardust that would fill your world with special things

 

If you could both only know how much I love you and miss you and cry for you

And your Daddy too

To know that I never stop thinking of all of you, or wishing for rainbows

I would be happy; I would be blessed, and life would feel good

Estrangement is more than familiar now

Its s the cloak of shame, the coat of guilt the suit of grief

And the gown of despair

The clothes I wear.

I am no longer Nanna or Mum, or Grandma or Mother to you all

Not even a shadow that cast form in the beautiful light

Forgive me for not trying harder, for not doing better, for not finding a way

You see I just couldn’t find answers, I wasn’t prepared

I was just being happy, feeling blessed and life was so good

 

To my dearest Son and my two precious Angels

I will hold you safe in my heart forever

Mum / Nanna xxxxxxxx

 

 

Time

 

I have lost count of how many days  passed since I saw you
But it is like yesterday
Counting and waiting for each month in passing
July brings the annual letter from the adoption agency
letter is empty with words

Another year to pass
Wishing speed for the years to pass
5 years , 10, 15 and then 18 years

Will time tear us apart
Will you come look for me
Will I be too old

Will  time recognise us

Nani loves you eternally.

 

 

 

A poem for my grandchildren.

 

Grandma’s imaginary thoughts of the first telephone call, after many years of being separated from their Grandchildren!

 

Hello grandchildren.

Everyday, I thought of you.

I waited, waited and waited.

To hear you.

To see you.

Who am I?

I am your Grandma.

Grandpa is also here with me.

Hello Grandpa. We have missed you and Grandma.

We have missed you as well.

We’ve never stopped thinking about you.

Why couldn’t we see both of you and all the people we knew?

Oh sweethearts, such a sad, sad story.

Such dreadful lies.

We have always loved and cared for you so much.

Please, just remember the true life we had together.

Not the lies told to you.

Not from the people who never put you first.

Not from the people who didn’t look at the facts.

Evil behaviour destroyed seeing you.

We tried everything we could to see you.

Whatever you have been told, we certainly did try.

You don’t believe us?

You thought we ignored you?

It’s not true!

Oh, the questions you will ask us.

The answers you will hear.

Oh, such unnecessary pain.

Can we save you?

Can we save you all?

We hope we can.

Time getting short now.

Getting very old.

Such wasted years.

We had so much love to give you.

Love for you, our wonderful grandchildren.

Everyday, we wished to hear your voices again.

Everyday, we wished to see your beautiful faces again.

Also, your beautiful, vulnerable mummy.

Then Grandma and Grandpa you really do love us?

Of course, we do! You are our precious grandchildren.

We have never stopped loving you.

Oh Grandma, we have missed you and Grandpa so much.

We know and we have missed you as well.

Others didn’t listen to you when you were young!

Others didn’t let you have a voice!

We wanted to see our lovely grandchildren so much.

We wanted to see you as well Grandma and you Grandpa.

They should have listened to us Grandma!

I know they should have.

Oh Grandma and Grandpa we love you so much.

We also miss and love our uncle and all our family and friends we once knew.

We love each other more than all the stars in the universe.

Yes, we do!

True love never dies!

 

 

Broken family 9 years on

Our beautiful Granddaughter with big blue eyes
A smile that melts our hearts
Cuddles of love that last a lifetime
No prouder Grandparents than us

The pain of estrangement cuts like a knife
Time doesn’t heal like they say
Years of yearning
Wishing our son & DIL would be our friends again

Our Grandson born but never to meet us
A young mind poisoned towards Gran & Grandad
We would give anything to be in their lives
Why can’t they give us a chance

Our once close family broken in pieces
I ask myself daily how did that happen
Was it my fault
Did I deserve it
I’m not the best ; not the worst
Just a loving, caring Parent & Grandparent

 

 

Unimaginable 

I wonder what you think, I wonder what you are told

In our lives and taken out of our lives, left out in the cold

All we ever wanted, was to be a part of your life

We never thought something so normal would cause so much strife

Endless photos and videos of our times together help to keep our memories alive

An estrangement so devastating is something we thought we would never have to survive

Our precious angel, our first grandchild, a grandson with a smile that can lighten up any room

We pray for the days when our cherished relationship can resume

Grandparents and grandchild, names they want to take away from us

Thankfully,  they never can, it’s forever, no matter how much they fuss

We love you little man, a blessing beyond imagination

Forever in our hearts that never, ever will need an explanation ❤️

 

 

 

Betrayal

 

How can so much joy and laughter turn to such sorrow and pain in the blink of an eye.

No reason or explanation, no arguments or cross words only lies and false hoods as to the reason why.

 

Children yearn for the family they knew, of laughter, days out and sleepovers, school visits and much, much more.

Now they are ammunition for grown-ups who cannot cope, who compound their hurt and longing for what they knew before.

 

Time will not lessen the hurt that has past or the betrayal of the closeness of family ties.

It was a time of great content our memories still shining bright that will never be tarnished by lies.

 

 

 

Loss

 

Lying in my arms, this precious child

Blue eyes staring up at me

What fun we will have

What a responsibility.

Now my arms are empty

My heart is broken

Our family is incomplete

How did this happen?

Maybe a misunderstanding

A wrong word, or look

I say sorry but I don’t know what I have done

The loss is unbearable.

The gift of a grandchild

A magical experience

No longer can I see those blue eyes

No longer can I hear the words,” Granny,”

The emptiness I feel can not be described

The darkness enshrouds me

Taking me down to a black place

All I can do is hope.

 

 

 

 

Email from our daughter on 27/08/2017

 “We have decided that you seeing the children needs to stop at this time” ….

 

Poem by an estranged grandparent.

 

This email popped up just out of the blue

We could not believe it or think what to do

First it was shock and then disbelief

Then came the sobbing, the anger, the grief

The shame and the blame and what have we done?

We ransacked our conscience and came up with none.

Our whole motivation through our married life

To provide for our children a home free of strife

To ensure their happiness we sacrificed all

The loving, the caring, the joy we recall

That our family was normal and the fortune bestowed

Upon us by our Lord helped to lighten the load

Throughout education their lives were secure

As very proud parents we watched them mature

Their wonderful weddings with memories galore

Their love and their happiness – we wanted no more

Soon our first grandchild – a beautiful boy

We never imagined he’d bring us such joy

However, a problem we had not foretold

Post partum psychosis had taken a hold

Our daughter was Sectioned – not able to care

The whole of our family in deepest despair

 

We soon rallied round – no time to delay

We raised him together and now we can say

His mother recovered his father stayed strong

And soon they were home – back where they belong

As Grandparents we gave them our total support

We did all we were asked never gave it a thought

The story repeated again in three years

And this time a girl Oh the joy and the tears!

The recovery came sooner and back on their feet

Two beautiful children the family complete.

Our bonds were so strong and our love was so deep

The bottles, the nappies, the rocking to sleep

Like most grandparents do we helped with their care

Always available such a privilege to share

BUT OH! Eight years later the day before school

We had promised to meet them  –  we did as a rule

This email popped up just out of the blue

We could not believe it or think what to do

It’s now four years on and we miss them so much

We know they miss us and long for our touch

But now after COVID everything’s changed

EVERYONE knows how it feels to be estranged

But millions of us though we never say never

Will sadly remain in estrangement for ever

We need to have HOPE and strive for achievement

This SILENT PANDEMIC is a LIVING BEREAVEMENT.

 

 

To our adult grandchildren.

 

We miss you so much, it’s been a long time

Since we’ve seen or heard from you, never a sign

 

Are you enjoying life, is it treating you well?

We would love to know, but you won’t tell

 

Yet once you couldn’t wait to see us, to let us know

What you were doing – parties, holidays, now we are the foe

 

You keep everything from us, block us out of your life

Are you happy, content – or do you have strife?

 

Open your mind, you’ve never heard our side

Never talked or listened to us, we haven’t lied

 

Two sides to every story, hear what we have to say

Though you don’t have to, but please don’t delay

 

Get in touch with us, we still love you, but time is not on our side,

Please don’t leave it to late (we in our 80’s now) and find we have died.

 

Grandma and Granddad. xxx

 

Hope is our banner.

Soon to be a grandmother again, wonderful news in every way, but great grandson the pain of losing you will never go away.

Each night I say ‘goodnight’ to you, each morn ‘have a lovely day’, my heart was broken in pieces the day they took you away.

6yrs have past, how handsome you have grown just like your daddy who was also left alone. So many people hurt through jealously & spite, the question ‘why’ haunts me every single night.

Be good and true young man, god willing there will come a day, where daddy, nanny and  grandma will be able to say – ‘we never stopped loving you the day you went away’ you will remain in our hearts till our dying day.

So many others like us hurting everyday, not understanding why it had to be this way.
Hope is our banner when you will have your say “A wish to find your family” that was sadly pushed away.

 

Thank you so much to each and every grandparent who sent these poems, you have  told everyone how it feels to not be part of your grandchildren’s lives.

 

About Jane

Jane setup Bristol Grandparent Support Group in 2007 after a string of incidents led to the loss of contact with her Grand Daughter.

View all Jane Posts

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