Most of you will know only too well my views on going to court to try to obtain a Child Arrangement Order, I have written about it so many times.
Of course it is a personal decision and only one you can make yourselves.
It does seem that more and more grandparents are embarking on this route.
I was listening to Judge Stephen Wildblood this morning on his views on Parental Alienation, labels, LIP , he also spoke about ‘Wishes and Feelings,’ it is a subject that comes up almost every time a grandparent contacts us.
Without exception they believe that when their grandchildren are asked about them they will say how they miss them and how much they love them and want to see them.
If only that were true.
The truth is that we are talking about children who are living within an unhealthy environment. Their parent/parents are telling them all sorts of negative things about their grandparents, they are being taught that there are bad people and good people and so they align themselves with the alienating parent.
These children are hearing things that no child should hear.
When they are asked about their ‘Wishes and Feelings’ by a social worker or CAFCASS they will more often than not, say things that they feel their parent/parents want them to say, and yes they are often told what to say.
Children should never be put in this impossible situations.
No child should ever have to choose.
I am sure you have often had days when you feel you don’t want to go to work, and will have had your own child say they don’t want to go to school, I suspect your response is not,’oh well of course you don’t have to go.’ It is much more likely that you have said,’ Well, I know how you feel, but you have to go.’
Those are ‘Wishes and Feelings.’
Parental or Grandparent Alienation is nothing to do with children, it is about adults, adults making a choice to demean loving and caring relationships that the children/grandchildren once had.
We come from the generation that believed in Justice, believed that the authorities put in place to protect children would do just that.
Increasingly we are hearing a very different story.
Alienators are so plausible they manipulate everyone to believe they are right, not once do they put the children first.
What do you do when false allegations are made about you, there is absolutely no way to refute them.
An allegation is something that is not proven, and yet it is enough to prevent children having these special relationships.
For those of you, who have had a successful outcome from going to court to see your grandchild, I am delighted for you all, I just want grandparents to fully understand what can and all too often does happen.